Contents
Chapter one: In supermarket.
About a fun of buying groceries with different labels and packaging than you are used to. With labels in foreign language. With foreign taste of honey ham, awful sausages, and cheese with texture of wax. Get used to fact that you have to suffer a limited selection of edible groceries. The longer you live abroad the more your dreams of Czech bread become more vivid and tasty.
Chapter two: Would you like scavenger?
There hadn’t been a cow born yet in Czech land lean enough for American steak. On the other hand, the iconic Bostonian delicacy – lobster – is scavenger with sweet and chewy meat.
Chapter three: First impressions.
First impressions are the memorable ones. First time among foreigners. First drive on a strange highways in a strange land. You are getting accustomed to new apartment, credit cards, bank account, and…new life.
Chapter four: Gas burners.
Car-lowers in a land of cars.
Chapter five: How to change brain polarity.
I am talking about language. When one learns English well enough to fit in? How long does it take to lose an accent? When do you finally forget your mother’s tongue?
Chapter six: Who is American anyway?
USA is a country of immigrants. Everybody is from somewhere. That is why people are friendlier to immigrants than merciless Czechs. In this chapter you will learn how many Czech actually live in USA.
Chapter seven: A bit of toilet humor.
Yes, even American toilets are different and you will have to pass through some rough seas. How different? Read this chapter.
Chapter eight: About national pride.
Űber-nations have greater national self-confidence than mini-nations. However, even they are not immune to doubts and trials.
Chapter nine: What Americans see in G.W. Bush?
Look at the American politics from inside. Why Americans went to Afghanistan and Iraq? How do I see it and how will it be judged by history? How would president Klaus react in Bush’s position?
Chapter ten: How do you make a cheese sandwich?
About simple yet unforeseeable troubles of American immigrant.
Chapter eleven: Are Americans Goody two-shoes’, politically correct, naïve, or simply dumb?
Despite of provocative title this chapter ends up better for Americans than Czechs.
Chapter twelve: Do you want this boy cut short?
Why is circumcision so popular in USA? What do they mean by that? What a barbarism! They want to cut my newborn son's foreskin!
Chapter thirteen: Every Czech is intellectual, every American prosperous.
About terrifying poverty in the world’s richest country and egalitarian Czech society.
Chapter fourteen: About science – a home thrust.
Unflattering comparison of Czech and American science.
Chapter fourteen and a half: Why America has the best scientists?
Is science an intellectual game, path to enlightenment, or the way how to make money? Why is the last view winning?
Chapter fifteen: The old woman and the sea.
From the Czechs’ point of view the ocean is exotic. Americans see it as their backyard.
Chapter sixteen: How to get a Green card.
GC - what is it and why do you have better chance to get it with good education? How a postdoctorand morphs into an immigrant.
Chapter sixteen and a half: How to find a job in America?
Selected stories of Czechs in foreign land. Will they ever return home?
Chapter seventeen: About bloated American and undersized Czech self-confidence
How the upbringing leads to unfounded self-confidence or low self-esteem.
Chapter eighteen: Who is better, Santa Claus or child-Christ?
You may not know it, but in Czech Republic are Christmas gifts delivered by child-Christ instead of Santa Claus. This difference in Christmas customs provides a best explanation for deeply rooted Czech atheism (just kidding).
Chapter nineteen: Do you prefer Czech or American version of capitalism?
Despite of thrive of capitalism in Czech land after 1990, it is the capitalism laced with European egalitarianism and social state. But isn’t this better than horde of homeless squatters living behind the White house?
Chapter twenty: Apache chief Vinnetou in pink sweatpants and positive discrimination.
Look at positive discrimination in USA, life of Native Americans and other minorities.
Chapter twenty one: This ain’t no a country where you can walk.
Is it possible walk through USA like Czech Republic countryside? How? Everything is a private land! There is no network of well maintained public paths like in Czech Republic. Do Czechs have greater freedom than Americans without appreciating it?
Chapter twenty two: Country walk in America.
There is still wild country in USA. But it is not a kind “wilderness” like in Czech Republic, where it takes merely an hour of get from the deepest forest to nearest pub or railway station. Take it into account when you are planning trip around American western parks.
Chapter twenty three: Zoology, botanic and pets.
There are certain realities of US life that one cannot discover from Hollywood movies. The brains conditioned by Czech environment have for examples difficulties to internalize the exotic American nature. This chapter explains why it is good to check outdoor pool in Florida before swimming (make sure it is alligator free), talks about hummingbirds, termites, and tarantulas.
Chapter twenty four: American view of Czech way of life
How does Czech Republic look in the eyes of American beholder? What do Americans consider strange, fascinating and suspicious?
Chapter twenty five: American sickos.
Polemic with Michael Moore about health insurance and why it is better to be healthy. In Czech Republic, and especially in the USA.
Chapter twenty six: Who is going to be next American president?
I this chapter I poke fun of Sarah Palin. I also reveal why I am uncomfortable with her proclaimed goal to return America back to its good and simple (hideous) roots.
Chapter twenty seven: Emigrants’ syndrome
List of reasons why to return to my homeland and why not. What do I mean by “Emigrants’ syndrome“? Read and find out for yourself.
Chapters added in second edition
Chapter twenty eight: Next 100 years
Prediction of the USA and world's faith according to Stratofor (and me).
Chapter twenty nine: Neanderthals in hell
About religion in the USA. American war against Darwin, infidels and fanatism.
Chapter thirty: About OCD
Who is more obsessed with clean household, american or czech mothers? And who suffers more with OCD?
Chapter thirty one: American sniper
About the most successful sniper in history and american schools shootings. Is there a connection?
Chapter thirty two: Disney world
Is this an ideal, charming world. Can everyone take it? Make your choice.
